Dumbeldore's crackpot schemes
by Terciel
Summary: This is a series of oneshots of Dumbledore's random schemes over the years to get rid of Voldemort. The first chapter is in answer to a challenge from clairful. Please R&R. thank you.
1. Chapter 1

**This is set during Harry's fifth year, one of Dumbledore's schemes to kill Lord Voldemort.**

Snape slowly made his way up to Dumbledore's office, dragging his feet as he went, he was wondering what the old fool had come up with this week, for a clever man his schemes really did seem awful.

He knocked on the door and didn't wait for a knock before pushing the door open and sitting in the seat in front of Dumbledore's desk. Dumbledore sat behind it, moving his fingers in an excellent impression of a mafia boss and smiling at Severus.

"Hello," Said Dumbledore brightly. "I presume you know why I have called you here."

"To get rid of Voldemort?" Snape said, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "Since that's all I'm good for nowadays."

"Oh, Severus, do not be so dramatic, I think you will find this scheme...how should I put this...more...er...interesting than the others."

Severus looked worried the plans of the past six months had not been exactly normal and he was worried what Dumbledore could find more interesting than the plans that he had come up with so far. Severus' favourite by far had been the one where Dumbledore had suggested they all dress up as women, Severus had never quite grasped how that plan would work and had a niggling suspicion that it could just have been because Dumbledore actually _wanted _to dress up as a woman.

Severus shuddered at the mental image, and focused again on Dumbledore's blue eyes.

"So," said Severus. "What is this oh so interesting plan?"

"Well," said Dumbledore, smiling widely. "You know that Voldemort admires himself greatly? And sees himself as the most powerful greatest wizard who has ever lived?"

"Yes," said Snape, getting more worried by the second. "And your point is?"

"Well," said Dumbledore. "I think that Voldemort would have trouble killing himself, even if it was just an image of himself, so if we use polyjuice potion to transform into an army of Voldemorts then maybe he will not be able to kill us, and we will have a lot more success in defeating him."

Snape sighed and thought to himself, well he supposed, it was a better plan normal. He thought it over and then his mind hit on a snag.

"But the dark lord does not have hair!"

"Not on his _head, _no,"

Severus looked ill.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, Minerva, how nice to see you!" Said Dumbledore ecstatically. "But why have I been called to your office. I am not a student you know."

"Albus it is because I have become concerned about your schemes, we have gone along with them so far, but all I can see is that they are doing more harm than good."

The woman suddenly had a flashback to last Sunday.

_Dumbledore was standing in the middle of the road, a scar drawn on his forehead and a wig of black hair perched on his head, he was smiling and chanting:_

"_I am Harry Potter, I am Harry Potter, come get me, come get me."_

_Voldemort had suddenly appeared, and the members of the order, who were all standing at either sides of the road, dressed as giant cactuses gasped. Voldemort looked around and despite the fact he was the most evil wizard of all time couldn't help but chuckle._

_Voldemort strode across the road to Dumbledore and raised his wand, Dumbledore squealed and jumped out of the way, in an imitation of what he thought Harry might do._

_A giant roaring noise suddenly filled the air and Voldemort saw a giant tractor heading towards him, driven by an irate Snape, he quickly apparated._

"_Well it was worth a try," Said Dumbledore smiling. "And I think I rather like this wig, do you think it suits me?"_

Minerva shuddered as the flashback ended and sighed again.

"Just Albus could you please try and be a little more sensible when you design these plans in the future."

"Sure...sure..." Albus said. "Pink fairy costumes sensible enough for you?"

Minerva sighed and waved him out of her office.


End file.
